The last 5 days in Bali were super chill …and totally awesome! After going back to 9 Angels vegetarian buffet (where you serve yourself, pay by donation, and wash your own dishes) with Viqi for lunch once I finished my last blog post, we went to the Tirta Empul Temple, where people go to bathe in the holy water, and Gunung Kawi Temple, which consisted of walking up and down a lot of stairs, and was beautiful and totally worth it!
We planned to go to Amed the next day, partly because it was my last night at the place I had rented, however after packing my bags, bringing them to Viqi’s house, going to a yoga class, and eating lunch, it was getting pretty late for a 2 hour drive and it would be too dark to go snorkelling so we opted for a short trip to the White Sand Beach in Padang Bai instead. It was beautiful! The water current was so strong it practically sucked you out into the ocean and then pushed you back to shore. Maybe a bit dangerous haha!
That evening Viqi mentioned that he wanted to go to Kuta to see a movie the next day (Tuesday) so I figured I would go with him and just stay there until my flight to Nepal on Friday since it is much closer to the airport.
I woke up on Tuesday morning and went to a super sweaty (every yoga class in Bali is a hot yoga class haha) and equally as amazing Hatha Yoga class at Yoga Barn, taught by Emily, who has quickly become one of my favourite yoga instructors. I can feel the ease and flow of her energy, and her insights are inspiring and always seem to lead me to a lot of introspective thoughts.
Since we weren’t heading to Kuta until 5pm, I decided to relax at the Yoga Barn Cafe with a delicious breakfast and do some writing.
As some of you may know, I have been reading a book called Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential by Caroline Myss. It’s a book that uses the concept of archetypes. Archetypes are aspects of your personality that each have both a light and shadow side to them. The idea is that by becoming aware of the 12 archetypes that are most prominent in your life, you are able to shine light on your shadows, thereby stepping into your full potential.
Making the unconscious, conscious. Anyways, I have gotten to the point in the book where I have discovered, with the help of the pendulum, my 12 closest archetypes. They are:
- the Advocate
- the Angel
- the Wounded Child
- the Destroyer
- the Wanderer
- the Healer
- the Knight
- the Mystic
- the Vampire
- the Prostitute
- the Rebel
- the Saboteur
In the book, Caroline Myss says that there are 4 universal archetypes, which are the Child, the Prostitute, the Saboteur, and the Victim. However, I didn’t feel like the Victim played a strong role in my life, comparatively, and the pendulum agreed, so I opted to leave that one out.
Once you have found your 12 archetypes, she invites you to either have an interview with or write a letter to each of them describing why you chose them, where they show up in your life, and what they need in order to become an ally or to subdue their influence in your life. Then write back to yourself as that archetype, answering any questions and giving any advice.
I did the interview process for a couple of them, and though it went well, I wanted to have record of it to look back on so I decided to go for the letter writing option.
Incase you’re interested, I have included the letters to and from all 12 of my archetypes below, at the end of this post.
While I was sitting at the cafe, writing, a German man named Anan, who was sitting next to me, asked for my help in deciding between using the English word ‘foreign’ or ‘external’ to describe energy that you wouldn’t consider to be yours. I said either would do, however suggested he use ‘external’ as I think the word ‘foreign’ implies more separation than intended.
He explained to me that he is an intuitive healer and medium and told me the story of how that all came to be, which ended up giving me some reflection on how I limit myself by not always trusting my inutition. I have it in me to do what he does, in my own way. The only reason I don’t is because of my own limiting beliefs.
As he was talking, I could feel the energy behind his words as if it was something we were experiencing right then and there. Even thinking about it now, I can feel it all over again.
After getting some reflections from him, I was able to offer him some as well, which felt great! I love a good equal energy exchange haha! I’m not left feeling drained and exhausted afterwards.
Though it felt we could have sat and talked for days, I had to say goodbye to get ready for the hour long scooter ride to Kuta with Viqi and my luggage.
The weather was fairly mild that day so Viqi wanted to go for a refreshing ride around Ubud and grab a coffee to clear his mind. After a beautiful ride, a good chat, and a delicious frappucino, we went back to his place, grabbed our things, and were on our way to Kuta.
When we arrived in Kuta, Viqi dropped me off at Renata’s homestay and went to see the movie. Renata and I reunited with Andraz for dinner on his last night before flying back to Slovania.
The next day it poured. All. Day. Long. Apart from saying goodbye to Andraz before his afternoon flight and going out to eat, we spent the entire day sleeping or relaxing at home. However the rain, for the most part, stopped in the evening so we met up with Viqi and went out for a few drinks at Apache on Legian. After leaving Apache, we stopped in at a couple places for some dancing, though every night is a party on Legian, none of the places we stopped at seemed to feel right so we just ended up going back home.
After a deliciously healthy breakfast with Viqi the next morning, I met up with my good friend, Dulla, a local I had met on my first day in Bali. Renata came for lunch with us and then we dropped her off at home and went for an adventure. I say adventure because we were heading to Pandawa Beach and it started DUMPING rain. The streets were flooding, we were soaked, and we had to stop for cover a couple times to wait it out.
Let me tell you though, I don’t think I’ve ever met a more caring, giving, respectful person in my life. Dulla always went out of his way to make sure I was taken care of without expecting anything in return. I needed to go to the ATM so I didn’t have money, no worries, he paid. I didn’t have a jacket for the lower temperatures in Nepal, no worries, he would give one to me. I was standing on the side of the road with Renata waiting for a taxi to the airport this morning, BAM there’s Dulla, with a sweater for Nepal, and a ride. He is the embodiment of Love and I will miss him dearly.
After a tearful departure from Bali, I am now sitting in the Malaysian Airport, wearing Dulla’s sweater, for a 4 hour layover on my way to Nepal.
5 things that describe my Love now:
And last but not least, here are the letters to and from my archetypes.
Dear Wounded Child,
I chose you because I still carry deep subconscious wounds around my childhood, particularly with my father. You show up in my need for approval from others. You show up in my attachments to people and things. You show up in my fear of abandonment. And you show up in my comparing and competing with others.
Now that I know you’re there, how can I make you a friend or ally, or at least a benign force in my life? What does your shadow side need in order to allow me to step into my power? To fully love and accept myself regardless of what others think of me? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to subdue your influence? What is it that you’re teaching me?
SO much Love,
I understand your grief and I want to be in balance with you. What I need is for you to let go of your past. I need for you to heal your relationship with your father because that seems to be what is holding you back the most. It’s time to grow up. To step into your power and own yourself. To not be restricted by your attachment to your story.
You know your strength. You know your beauty. You are aware. You know what steps you need to take to free your mind of limiting beliefs. Don’t let your thoughts control you. Don’t let your past influence the present moment. You are not your story. Let it go.
SO much Love right back to you,
– your inner Child
I chose you because I often feel the need to speak on behalf of others, sometimes to a fault. You show up when I see others being misteeated. You show up when my caretaking side comes out. You show up in causes I feel passionate about.
Now that I know you’re there, how can I make you into a friend or ally? I see you cower away when I am in fear. What does your shadow side need in order to become positive and even powerfully supportive? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to make you more important? What do you need? What is it that you’re teaching me?
In Unity and Solidarity,
Dear beautiful Kat,
I am here with you because you are positive and powerfully supportive. In order to make me a true friend and ally, you must step out of your own way and let go of any doubts and fears that are holding you back. Do not suppress yourself. Do not fear what others will think of you. Do not lose faith in the Divine. Your desire to protect and speak for those who cannot do so for themselves is admirable.
I need your full confidence in me, in yourself, to do what needs to be done and say what needs to be said. I am here to teach you strength, courage, and compassion. Just make sure you don’t hold their hand every step of the way. Remember, the goal is their own empowerment.
Your friend and foe,
– the Advocate
I chose you because I have always felt as though I am here for some Divine purpose. A messenger? A being of Light? Possibly. I don’t think that it is just my ego speaking, though it might be. I see you when I seem to show up in people’s lives at just the right time to offer the guidance they need. Am I channeling? Sometimes I have a hard time explaining things to people and it’s as if they’re not ready to hear it yet, because other times the words just flownout of my mouth and are recieved so well. I’m not really sure what that is about.
However, now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a friend or an ally? I see you when I sacrifice myself for the benefit of others. What does your shadow side need in order to fully embrace Love, compassion, and acceptance of myself and others? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to make you more important. What is it that you’re teaching me?
Missing my Wings,
Dear heavenly Kat,
Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. A guardian you are. On Earth to bring guidance to those in need. You are a part of something greater, as everyone is, whether or not they realize it. I am already your friend and ally. You do not need to sacrifice yourself for others. As you stand strong in your Love, compassion, and acceptance of yourself, as you stand strong in your power, you will inspire others to do the same. By taking care of yourself first, you are teaching people life lessons. They will Love you regardless. Even if their ego doesn’t, their heart will.
Do not seek for Love and acceptance. It is already within you. All you must do is Love and accept yourself and watch as the world reflects that back to you. Just be yourself. You have nothing to prove. You ARE a Divine Light Being. Your presence is enough.
Keep doing what you’re doing,
– the Angel
I chose you because I have always welcomed change in my life. destroying what was to create something new. Moving, leaving jobs, ending relationships, and being brutally honest in ‘destroying’ other people’s false and/or limiting beliefs. I see you when my life becomes routine and boring and I look for ways to challenge myself. You show up when I hear my friends telling themselves lies and I speak my mind as an attempt to set them straight.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a friend or an ally? You often show up when I find myself up against resistance, fearful and wanting to run away. What does your shadow side need in order to become positive and powerful? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions so that you add value to my life? What is it that youre teaching me?
In alliance with your strength,
You are stronger than you think you are. I have been a huge influence in your life since before you were born. You go through death and rebirth most frequently because you welcome change so openly.
Through your life, people have lead you to believe that constants are better, however you now know differently. If you are always with the same people, or in the same place, or doing the same thing, then there is not much room for growth. With change comes experience which often gives a new perspective if you’re able to look at things from an objective point of view.
I have always been your friend and ally, even when you pushed me away for a bit. Let go of any and all fears. Fear of failure, fear of judgement, and especially fear on behalf of others for having to deal with the consequences of their choices. I am here to teach you to embrace change freely. To have as many experiences as you can in life because in the end, none of it matters, so you might as well have fun!
With you through all your life’s deaths and rebirths,
– the Destroyer
I chose you because I have always felt a close bond with you and felt your influence heavily in my life. I habe always been passionate about helping people heal and empower themselves. I believe that’s why I was drawn to the beauty industry, because making people look good makes them feel good about themselves, which in itself can be healing and empowering.
I see you in the things and people I am drawn to. You show up when a friend is in pain. I see you in my empathic nature. You always seem to show up right when you’re needed, either by me or someone else. And sometimes when you’re not, in which case that might be my ego thinking I can heal someone when in reality, it is only them who can heal themselves.
So, now that I know you’re here, how can I make you into a friend or ally? You show up in my ambitious thoughts of being able to help heal anyone who crosses my path, even if they don’t want help. What foes your shadow side need in order to become powerfully supportive and positive? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to make you more important? What is it that you’re teaching me?
Embodying Love, Light, and Healing energy,
Dear precious Kat,
My, haven’t we been spending a lot of time together lately? Don’t worry though, no attachment. Lol!
It is true, I have played a large role in your life, especially in the past few years. I have always been your friend and ally. However, I only show up when it’s worth the energy, so even when you feel like you’ve said the wrong thing in an attempt to be helpful, have faith that everything happens for a reason and what you might think is wrong, is just what was needed in that moment.
The biggest pieces of advice I can give you are one, don’t sell yourself short. You know what you’re doing, you just might not always realize it yet. And two, do not neglect yourself in order to do what you think is being helpful. Often, being not helpful, teaches people more and pushes them to stand on their own to feet rather than using others as a crutch. Keep learning and working towards higher education, on the physical, mental, and spiritual levels. You will do much good in this world.
In health and happiness,
– the Healer
I chose you because of my subconscious desire to save people. You show up when I see people being led astray or manipulated. I see you when I am in the presence of self-sabotaging behaviour. I see you in my loyal and self-sacrificng nature.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a friend or an ally? You show up in my own self-neglect in my attempt to make other people happy, putting their desires above my own. What does your shadow side need in order to become powerfully supportive and trusting of others to ask for what they they want and need? What will it take for me to change my thoughts and actions to make you more important? What do you need? What is it that you’re teaching me?
In strength and service,
You are incredibly strong, loyal, honourable, and self-sacrificing. However, I need you to be more aware of becoming like a babysitter or being used as a crutch, enabling other people’s self-sabotaging and dependent behaviours. You must learn to use more discretion in who you give your energy to. Many are not ready or willing to do the work to help themselves so their resistence just ends up draining you and you cannot serve those who are truely ready from an empty pot. Taking care of yourself first is of utmost importance.
I also need you to let go of your limiting beliefs and be confident in your power and abilities. I am here to teach you to love yourself first and foremost. Once you have a strong foundation to serve from, you can always come back to it to replenish your energy. Only when you come from a place of Love and balance will you be able to guide others to their own salvation.
With Love, understanding, strength, honour, and forgiveness,
– the Knight
I chose you because I feel a strong call to dedicate myself to a more spiritual path. To relinquish material desires and ambitions to pursue spiritual practice, whatever that looks like. However I find myself struggling to sustain anything long-term. I see you in my rapid growth rate and ever-decreasing material and superficial desires. I see you in my love of solitude, introspection, and all things mystical.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a friend or ally? You show up when I find myself frustrated with others for their lack of knowledge, awareness, or understanding. What does your shadow side need in order to become powerfully supportive in keeping myself in line with my soul path? How can I let go of my ego to fully step into my power? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to make you more important? What is it that you’re teaching me?
Frustrated by a lack of discipline,
Dear Curious Kat,
Do not be disheartnened by your lack of discipline. Let go of what you think you ‘should’ be doing and just be present with what you are doing in any given moment. You are exactly where you need to be at this point in your life. However, your limiting beliefs are holding you back from getting what you truely desire. Do not allow yourself to be so easily tempted by things you don’t even really want. You must show more strength and realize that there is nothing wrong with saying no.
Do you fear judgement because you judge others? Do you get frustrated with others’ lack of knowledge, awareness, or understanding because you are frustrated with the same areas of lack within yourself? Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are already everything you hope to be, you just have to realize it. Just like with everything, awareness is key. That is also how you will let go of your ego. Pay attention to where it shows up.
I am here to teach you about presence and conscious awareness.
– the Mystic
I chose you because you are a prominent aspect in my life. You show up as self-neglect in my desire for approval from others. I see you in my acts of seduction in order to gain power. I see you in my dependency, attachment, and laziness.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you into a friend or an ally, or at least a benign force? I see you in so many aspects of myself, in my life every day. The subtleties of your manipulation techniques. What does your shadow side need in order to become more positive and supportive rather than manipulative? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to subdue your influence? What is it that you’re teaching me?
In need of relief,
Power is what you want is it not?
Ah I know, you want genuine, humble, honest power, not the false, manipulative kind.
Well, your ego and I work together a lot so further minimizing that would be a good place to start. I also need you to stop looking for a way to success and happiness through other people. You need strength, discipline, and sovereignty to get what you desire. Do not judge other people’s value based on what they can offer you and you will stop attracting people that see you in the same way. To be powerful and sovereign is to be self-reliant. Love yourself, don’t neglect yourself.
Food for thought,
– the Prostitute
I chose you because you have played a prominent role in my life since childhood; both your light and shadow sides. I see you in my aversion to conformity. I see you in my activist mentality. I see you in my strength in standing up for myself and others and not put uo with people’s bullshit.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a friend or ally? I see you in my desire to do the opposite of what’s expected or assumed of me. What does your shadow side need in order to become a powerfully supportive and positive aspect of my personality? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to make you more important? What do you need? What is it that you’re teaching me?
Thank you for acknowledging me. For a time there I thought you were working towards supressing me, giving into fear and comformity. Howver now I am back and I am stronger than ever!
I have always been your friend and ally, helping you along on your path of strength, independence, and nonconformity.
There is nothing wrong with not doing what is expected of you. In fact, I applaud you for it as it takes a lot of strength and courage. In doing so you are also teaching people to let go of expectations and assumptions, which are unconscious behaviours.
The only suggestion I have for you us to stand with even stronger confidence in your choices. Step fully into your power and fucking own it! Trust your gut. Don’t second guess yourself. There are no wrong decisions – only lessons to be learned to aid in your expansion of awareness. Let go of fear and live truely free. That is all.
In Love and Freedom,
– the Rebel
I chose you because you are an archetype I have been working with for a while now. I see you in my liniting beliefs. I see you in my lack of discipline. You have shown up in an inability to express my desires.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a benign force in my life? You show up in the form of attachment and judgements of myself and others. What does your shadow side need in order to stop negatively affecting my life? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions to subdue your influence? What do you need? What is it that you’re teaching me?
In loving abatement,
I understand your vexation. I urge you to recognize anytime I am being of influence in your life as you are being tempted and tested to remain strong on your path and in your faith. You must trust yourself know your power. Have no fear.
Follow your intuition, it will guide the way. Listen to your inner voice, do not ignore or suppress it. You have what it takes and you know what to do, you just have bring consciousness into it.
Ready to take a backseat,
– the Saboteur
I chose you because of my seemingly neverending desire to explore. You show up when I start to feel comfortable, stuck, or bored. You show up in my mind when I drift off into daydreams. I see you in my curiosity and eagerness to find wisdom and truth wherever I go.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a friend or an ally? I see you in my constant need for change and the resulting confusion and sense of ungroundedness. What does your shadow side need in order to become positive and powerfully supportive in the expansion of my consciousness? What will it take from me to change my thoughts and actions so that I stay grounded throughout all changes? What is it that you need? What are you teaching me?
Wherever I go, here I am,
I believe your desire for wisdom and truth is still coming a bit from your ego. You think you will be more well liked and respected the more knowledge you have. You must let go of all of that.
Yes, I know that you’re stubborn, however what you seek is beneath the ego. You must strip away the outer layers, the ego, to find the truth within. Everything you seek us already within you, you just have to realize it. That being said, wandering is helpful in doing so. Having the experiences of being amongst a variety of people, cultures, and landscapes, all brings different perspectives. And a whole lot of fun!
Change is good, embrace it. Know that I am here to support you on your journey. Stay strong and keep moving forward. You got this.
– the Wanderer
I chose you because of the patterns I seem to fall into within relationships. I see you in my drive to ‘conquer’ people for control purposes. Even though I like the challenge, I am also well aware that once I succeed, I will lose interest entirely.
I see you in my attraction to people who have something that I want. I see you in my codependent behaviour and desire for someone to rely on to take care of my survival needs. I also see you in ny fear of abandonment.
Now that I know you’re here, how can I make you a friend, or an ally, or at least a benign force? You show up in the form of creating psychic attachments to people that feed me in some way. And, of course, I also see this as a reflection of how I have allowed others to suck me dry as well. What does your shadow side need in order to be come powerfully positive and supported in my own empowerment and my ability to guide others in the empowerment of themselves? What will it take to change my thoughts and actions to subdue your negative influence? What is it that you need? What are you teaching me?
Drained and draining,
Dear Kitty Kat,
Even before your full awareness of me, you have already begun to own yourself and your sovereignty. The idea is to have an equal, conscious energy exchange. Unfortunately the majority of people in this world, at this time, do not have enough awareness to be able to match you at this level, therefore you will have to be extremely selective with whom you give energy to so that you are not being drained.
Awareness is key. You know that everything you need comes from within you and you need not seek it from external (thanks Anao, I thought of you and changed to this word when I wrote this) sources.
Heaking the pain from your past with your father in order to let it go is also essential in becoming even more balanced and grounded so that you attract like-minded people into your life.
You are on the right track, keep at it.
In strength and companionship,