It feels like it’s been a while since I wrote a blog post because so much has happened!
I survived my first music festival, Symbiosis, and at about 15-20 thousand attendees, it was definitely an experience I will never forget.
I connected with a lovely woman, Tallulah, on the Facebook rideshare group who lives out of her van and we made the journey from LA to Oakdale together. Since I am wanting to embody more of the feminine energy, she was a wonderful companion, making me feel comfortable, welcome, and loved.
We arrived at the festival grounds at 6pm and finally got through the gates and was able to set up my tent at 1:30 am. Tallulah was having issues with her car camping arrangements and I was exhausted so I just lugged my things to the walk-in camping and erected my tent alone, just enough to be able to sleep in it.
The next day, people continued to arrive and it wasn’t long before my lone tent was surrounded by party people. I was so excited to run into some friends from the Tantra Festival because the party vibes were turning me off. I spent most of the day wandering around alone, feeling like I should be attending some of the workshops or dj sets, but not really feeling like doing either. I ended up sourcing some medicine and dancing for a bit before finding the Movement Shala where most of the Tantra Festival friends ended up and then headed to sleep in my sad little poorly erected tent surrounded by partiers.
In the morning, on Friday, I was feeling very isolated and disconnected. This was nothing like the Tantra Festival, where I felt very open, loving, and connected. I wondered if I was isolating myself by camping alone, but I also kind of liked having my own space to go to. I started seeing my neglected, isolated tent as a metaphor for how I neglect and isolate myself. I needed to move my tent today.
People were still arriving and all the new energy was buzzing around me, making me feel anxious and overwhelmed. I went to Tallulah’s camp and expressed my uneasiness. She was off to her volunteer shift at the medical tent, but her boyfriend, Ryan, offered to get me a meal from the staff commissary. After eating only bananas, granola, and granola bars, a solid meal sounded like a great idea!
I sat by the water and he brought me a delicious breakfast and we connected on the beach. That was just what I needed; connection. He helped me move my tent near Tallulah’s camp and then we wandered around a bit before going our separate ways. I felt so much better.
Two friends from the Tantra Festival, Sundar and Siddharth, were working in the Healing Den so I decided to schedule a session with Sundar in an effort to stop neglecting and isolating myself. By the time I got there I felt a thousand times better and was really able to relax and enjoy the treatment.
Sundar did an amazing job and afterwards, since I was his last appointment, we cuddled up on the massage table and fell asleep, sleeping through the two dj sets I was most excited for all weekend – Opiou and Gramatik – haha!
I realized how important connection is to me; to anyone, really. Allowing myself to open up and connect with people on a deeper level has been a part of my journey. I built some pretty strong walls to protect myself from getting hurt, but now I can see how much strength there is in vulnerability.
I ended up connecting with some beautiful souls this weekend, all of them so enchanting in their own unique way. Each one shifting my perspective and offering a reflection of my own reality.
I am now so in the flow of life, having left Symbiosis with Siddharth and Siva, sleeping in the backseat of Siva’s truck, with no home and no defininte plans until assisting at ISTA Level One Oct 7th-14th.
Now, I am chillin’ at the Curly Wolf Espresso House in Nevada City, California, with my friend’s for life, Siva and Siddharth. Sundar is coming to meet me tonight and we are heading to Sierra Hot Springs for a night or two before heading back to the Bay Area.
Loving the vagabond life.
Wherever I go, there I am.
I am free…